Inspiration Two: My Son

We do not inherit the earth from our ancestors, we borrow it from our children.  ~Native American Proverb


A lot of women shy away from having children these days. The most common reasons I've been given personally:


"But I just started my career."
"They cost too much money."
"I want to be able to buy a house first, and a new car, and pay off my student loans, and...."
"There's already too many people, why make more."


etc, etc, etc. 


If you have made a personal choice not to have children then that is absolutely your right. However, if you are putting off starting a family because of financial reasons, or making excuses, or think that it will be the end of your life as you know it, there is light at the end of the tunnel. In fact, it's more than enlightening, it's nirvana reaching.


When I was a teenager, I was going to be a strong, successful, career driven woman. Making a family was least on my priority list. But, then life as an adult inevitably occurred, and I fell in love. Now, I am a proud mother of an eleven month old baby boy and I wouldn't have it any other way. Not to say it's all fun and games. Since my son was born, my husband and I have been out on two dates. Sometimes, I only get four hours of sleep. He cries and screams and I can't figure out why and I start crying myself. He starts many arguments between me and my spouse. But I have learned more about myself in this past year than ever before. Despite my ambitions, I can now say that if I died tomorrow, I would be fulfilled. I have created a life out of my own, a miracle in itself. Now, I have this beautiful, pure angel sitting next to me who smiles and giggles when I act like a fool around the house. He loves me, and kisses me and gives me hugs when I'm feeling down, and when I look in his eyes, it just makes everything seem worth it. 


Since he's been born, I have really gotten a fire lit under me. Not just for my career goals, etc, but to find myself spiritually. I have wandered around this earth for over 25 years on a quest for knowledge and religion. No matter what I always felt something was missing. Now, it all comes together because I can follow one simple rule. What kind of life do I see for my child? What kind of a man do I want him to be? And what kind of an example can I set for him. It creates an entirely different set of priorities for my own values, because I can see thing much more clearly. I have always had a problem dealing with acceptance from those around me. And, unfortunately I still do. However, for the first time I can look at him and know that even if other's don't particularly agree with something I do, my son will respect me and maybe even admire it. (At least until he's a teenager!). There is no Pasture, Preacher, or Priest alive that can create in me such a zeal to live a life true to God more than my son. I know he looks up to me, and in him I have a destiny to journey toward. I have finally found a place for myself in this vast universe and that is worth all the success, money and fame in the world. 


I'm not rich. I get government assistance for his doctor's visits and a hundred dollars a month for milk and food. Sometimes I use cloth diapers to supplement my lack of disposable ones (it's better for the earth anyways). I don't feed him meat (which in East Texas is a sin). There are a lot of things that people look down on me for, and make me feel inadequate. But, I never let this get me down, because I know that my husband and I give him all the love in the world. And his smiles and warm nature let me know that I'm doing my job the best I can.  My husband and I have chosen a different path from many our age. We spend as much time as we can in each others arms, playing with our son in our home. This means we don't make a million dollars a year, and sometimes we go without. It has made me realize just how amazingly wonderful the simple life can be. I still have dreams. I want to be an author. My husband is a very talented musician with lofty goals of his own. Soon, we will both be going to school to get our degrees. But, being poor has enriched our lives more than any other circumstance.  There may come a day when we make a lot of money, when the bills pile on and the stress of life weigh heavily on us. In those days, I hope that I can look back on this great experience and remember that family is all you need. If you are surrounded by love, the material things don't matter as much. 


Besides my own personal evolution, the birth of my son has really made me want to nurture the environment he will grow up in. Just as the proverb above illustrates, my son will live after I die. He will have a son or maybe a daughter of his own. What kind of world do I want him to live in. Certainly not one filled with greed and selfishness. Definitely not a world where he can't breathe properly or grow a decent garden on an acre of land. My grandchildren need clean drinking water, and I want them to work hard to make sure that the other 7 billion people (10 billion by then!) have what they need as well. The legacy starts with me. 


In my naive youth, my ultimate career goal was to be President of the United States. Now, I envision the perfect end to a life well lived. In my old age I want to be sitting on my porch next to my husband watching our family reunion. I want to look out onto the beach, or the farm and see a hundred people whose lives would not have existed had it not been for the love of our union. To look out among generations and see that our spirit has lived on in people who have chosen to love one another and the world around them. I hope that one day, all who read this post will find their truest purpose, and have it fulfilled. Blessed Be.